North Korea, Best Korea!
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
