before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
