This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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