dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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