you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
