Ketchup is God's man juice
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
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Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
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One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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