I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
