I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
