wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The police scanner is talking about you again....
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize