I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
