Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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