just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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