The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
