I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
