she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I need to sanitize my soul.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
