it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
