she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
