Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
