I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
