remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
