Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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