10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sext me about skeletons
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
