I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
