I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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