you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all