I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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