seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
