If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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