Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
