My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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