Only a mothe r could love this liver
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
