alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
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he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
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I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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