ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize