sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
