I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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