Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
