took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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