My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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