My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
