RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
