I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
