You're a womanizer and a bitch.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.  Â
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
