bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
