One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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