dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
