I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
