Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
