Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
