Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
