he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I am spending my child support on dildos
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
