hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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