whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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