Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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