So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I enjoy the company of your penis
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
