Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
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