just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize