she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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