Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
