I must be too annoying 4 u.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
