What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
